Note: I had a really hard time with this one so be gentle!


“Let’s get down to business
I ain’t got no time to play around, what is this?
Must be a circus in town
Shut the sh*t down
On these Clowns
Can I get a witness?
Hell Yeah!”
-“Business”, The Eminem Show


Winston was underneath the Ecto-1, fixing the muffler. In the Ecto’s stereo system played an Eminem CD. Winston tapped his foot on the cement floor as “Without Me” shook the car speakers. Janine sat at her desk, plugging her ears, she didn’t enjoy rap at all. Peter was upstairs sleeping through it all. Egon was in the basement, with a headset, listening to Beethoven and tinkering the with the containment unit. Ray was with Winston; only he was messing around with something under the hood. He laughed as he listened to the album. “What a sense of humor,” he thought to himself. Winston crawled out from underneath the car. “So, what do you think of Eminem Ray,” asked Winston. “I think he’s a pretty good rapper, he’s funny,” Ray replied. “Yeah, it’d be really something to meet him,” said Winston.

“Daddy!” screamed Hailey as she ran through the house searching for her dad, who happens to be Eminem. “What is it,” he asked as Hailey jumped into his arms. “I saw it again daddy,” she stammered as tears ran down her cheeks. “That thing…. it’s a ghost,” she whispered. “Hailey, hunny, there’s no such thing as ghosts,” he said as he set her down. “Now, look, it’s getting late, you should get to bed, alright?” “Alright,” she replied, and headed off to her room.

“Slimer, I’m really getting sick of your scummy ass,” cried Peter. Slimer had slimed his pillow again. “I wish I could just flush you down the damn toilet!” Slimer whimpered and flew through the wall. Just then, Winston walked by with a headset on. “Hey Winston,” said Peter. Winston turned and yelled “WHAT’S UP PETE?” “Turn that crap off Winston, it sucks,” replied Peter. Winston dropped the headset so it was around his neck. “Have you ever listened to this,” he asked, holding up the CD Walkman. “No, but I’ve heard rap, and it sucks,” Peter replied, crossing his arms.

Eminem sat at the kitchen counter working on some new lyrics. But he was stuck; all he had written down was “yo”. He suddenly heard a bloodcurdling scream and Hailey came running to him. “I saw it again,” she cried. “It’s following me!” “Hailey, hunny, you probably just had a bad dream, there’s no such thing as…” Eminem stopped and looked at the kitchen doorway. Something was floating there, it was white and it was transparent. “Holy shit!” he cried out. He jumped up and reached for the phone.

The phone rang and Janine answered. “Hello” she chimed into the receiver. “Yeah, um hi, this is Eminem,” said Eminem on the other end of the line. “Yeah sure, and I’m from Destiny’s Child,” replied Janine, rolling her eyes. “Seriously, I am Eminem, Marshall Mathers, Slim Shady, don’t make me rap to you.” He replied. “Whatever,” said Janine and handed the phone off to Winston, who was standing nearby. “God, what a bitch from hell,” thought Eminem. “Umm, yeah hi, are you a Ghostbuster?” He spoke into the phone. “Yeah, I am,” replied Winston. “How can I help you?” “Well, my daughter’s been saying that there’s a ghost in the house. And I just saw it, and I don’t know what to do with the damn thing so would you guys come out here to Detroit and bust it,” Eminem explained. “Umm, yeah, we can do that,” replied Winston. “By the way, who is this?” “This is Marshall Mathers,” he replied. Winston dropped the phone and yelled, “START PACKING GUYS, WE’RE GOING TO DETROIT!”

“You do realize that this guy might be lying about being Eminem,” said Peter as they rode the escalator to gate for their flight. “I’d think I’d know his voice,” replied Winston. “So, no use on saving up for laughing in my face.” “I’m still going to,’ replied Peter as they stepped off the escalator. “Now Peter, at least give Winston a chance,” said Ray. “That’s right,” Egon jumped in. “Eminem is an American citizen after all.” “Yeah well, I won’t believe it until I see it,” said Peter as they approached the gate. “Seeing isn’t believing Peter, believing is seeing,” replied Egon. And with that, they boarded the plane and off to Detroit they went.

The flight seemed to take forever. None of the Ghostbusters could wait. Winston wanted to meet Eminem. Peter wanted to laugh at Winston when they met “Eminem”. Ray couldn’t wait for the job they were going to do and Egon couldn’t wait to see what kind of ghost it was and what assorted samples he could grab. “God, Detroit is not that far away from New York,” said Peter, trying to pop his ears. “And why don’t they adjust the air pressure inside this friggin plane!” “Settle down Peter, according to my calculations, we should be there in about fifteen minutes,” replied Egon. “Great,” Peter frowned, crossing his arms.

Hailey sat in the uncomfortable seat, looking out the giant window at all the airplanes. “Where are they daddy,” she asked, looking up at Eminem, who was pacing. “I don’t know Hailey,” he said. “Jesus, where is that damn plane!” Hailey shifted her weight in the seat and looked out the window again. “Look daddy, there they are!” she jumped up and pointed to a landing airplane. Eminem turned and looked out the window at the small plane that had landed. The propellers slowly stopped turning and the Ghostbusters climbed out and onto the runway. They grabbed their bags that had been thrown out of the plane’s belly and ran to the airport. They walked through a door and Peter’s jaw dropped as Eminem and Hailey came into view. “Told ya Pete,” laughed Winston. “Nice to meet you..uhh…. Eminem,” coughed Peter. “Didn’t believe I was really me,” asked Eminem. “Well, I do now, and by the way, love your music,” smiled Peter. “Suck-up,” said the Ghostbusters under their breath.

Eminem unlocked the door and everybody stepped inside. “Damn, this place is huge!” cried Peter. Ray agreed, and being the child at heart that he was, he had the sudden urge to explore it. Egon took out a PKE Meter and began to take readings. “Nothing here,” he said, adjusting his glasses. “Hailey’s the one that sees it,” said Eminem. “You’ll just have to ask her.” “When does this entity usually come around Hailey,” Ray bent down to her. “What’s a entity?” she asked, puzzled. “This could be a while,” said Peter, rubbing his eyes.

“Em, this is Paul, listen. Joe just called me and
he told me your in the f*cking back behind the studio,
shooting your gun off in the air like it’s a shooting range. I
told you not to f*cking bring your gun around,
like an idiot. Outside of your home, you’re gonna
get yourself in trouble, don’t bring your gun outside of
your home, you can’t carry it on you. LEAVE YOUR
F*CKING GUN AT HOME!”
-“Paul Rosenberg (Skit)”, The Eminem Show

“When in the hell is this damn thing gonna come around,” asked Peter, half asleep. Hailey had taken a liking to the PKE Meter and was waving it around. The other guys had left and Eminem had gone down to his attorney, Paul Rosenberg’s office. Suddenly, the PKE Meter went haywire and Hailey dropped it, screaming. “Damnit,” Peter cried. Hailey ran off, screaming. Peter picked up the PKE Meter and decided to follow it. He grabbed a proton pack and a trap as it led him throughout the house. Then suddenly, he saw it. Nothing really that bad, just a regular ghost. “Okay, buddy, stay still, I really don’t wanna get my ass reamed for destroying Eminem’s place,” he said as he set the trap on the floor and strapped on the proton pack. The ghost turned toward him and freaked. It spread out its arms and it’s face transformed into an evil, ugly looking monster. It growled and roared at Peter, who was on the verge of soiling himself. “AHHHHHHHHH!!!!” he screamed and took off through the house. Peter grabbed his walkie-talkie, which was hooked on his pants and he screamed into it.

“GUYS, GET YOUR ASSES HERE NOW!” the radio screamed inside the Ecto-1. “That’s Peter,” gasped Ray. “I take it he found the ghost,” said Egon. Ray spiked the brakes and made a huge U-turn on the 4-laned road that they were on. Ray picked up the walkie-talkie and cried into it.

“Hang on buddy, we’re coming,” the walkie-talkie screamed back at Peter. The ghost was now chasing him through the house. “Well, better go faster, this thing’s on my ass,” Peter cried. “Peter,” Egon’s voice came over the walkie-talkie. “Get Hailey out of there!” Peter stopped short. “Awwww…..Damnit!” he cried, making a turn around a corner. “Hailey, where are you,” he screamed.

The Ghostbusters turned into the driveway the same time as Eminem. The guys got out of the Ecto-1 and raced into the house. Eminem jumped out of his vehicle, and ran after them. “Peter, where are you,” asked Ray. “Over here,” replied Peter, with Hailey in his arms. He was in the corner with Hailey, the ghost hovering over him. It growled and snarled. Egon, Ray, and Winston ran and grabbed their packs. “Okay guys, on the count of 3, I’ll throw Hailey to Eminem, you guys shoot and I’ll roll the trap underneath it,” whispered Peter. “1…2..3!” Peter threw Hailey at Eminem, who caught her in his arms, The Ghostbusters fired at breakneck speed, shooting the ghost. It screamed to the point of making your ears bleed. Peter dived away from the ghost and rolled the trap underneath it. The trap opened and the trap sucked it in, closing.

3 Months Later

That day a small package came from Eminem. It contained a letter that only read “hope you like this..” Inside the thick yellow envelope was a CD. “Let’s listen to it and see what it is,” said Winston, popping it into a player. Rap music started playing, and Eminem’s voice came over it…it went like this:

“Yo, I rap about this today
Peter, Egon, Winston and Ray
They’re the Ghostbusters baby
They saved my daughter Hailey
Traps fly through the air
Proton guns let out da flare
The boys in gray
Don’t insult these boys
I’ll make you a torture toy
Get the ghost that goes Boo!
I made this to say thank you!”

-“My GB Rap”, by Me (and yes, I know it sucks, but what the hell)