Okay you are riding a horse, you are being chased by two pigs going at a constant speed, up a head of you are two lions, and on your left a giraffe is keeping up with you an on your right a zebra is keeping up to your speed. What do you do?


Get your drunk ass off the merry go round.

What's the difference between the French national football team and a teabag?

……


The teabag stays in the cup longer.

The Joker;162534
What's the difference between the French national football team and a teabag?

……


The teabag stays in the cup longer.

Heh, that was a good one.


Imagine a world where hiking trails and roads can be sentient and enter a pub…


There's a highway and a bypass in a bar, talking about current events. Suddenly a new patron enters and saunters up to the bar, setting the barman on edge. The two roadways look at each other in confusion as the newly-arrived patron places an order for a pitcher full of beer mixed with egg yokes. A few minutes after the patron moves away with his order, the bypass asks the barman: “Rob, are you alright?” The highway, equally confused probes: “Why on earth did you give him such a strange drink?”

“I don't want to mess with him”. The barman replies, wiping the sweat from his brow. “He's a flipping cyclepath”.

I think you just won the thread.

A stay at home wife is watching the news. When she hears about someone driving on the wrong side of the road on Benson Street. Benson Steet is the route her husband takes home and she is really worried about the person driving on the wrong side of the road will crash into his car head on. So she goes and calls her husband on her cell phone. She tells him to be careful because there is some crazy driver driving on the wrong side of the road. Her husband tells her, all the drivers here are crazy honey, they are all driving on the wrong side of the road.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

According to FIFA it didn't!

heslimedme25;162646
Why did the chicken cross the road?

According to FIFA it didn't!

Huh??????

Would you kindly elaborate?

FIFA is the international football association, presumably a joke at the disallowed English goal during the match against Germany.

Kingpin;162666
FIFA is the international football association, presumably a joke at the disallowed English goal during the match against Germany.

Yup, you're spot on. Heard it on the radio on Monday…gave me a chuckle. I guess it's pretty vague unless you caught the footy.

heslimedme25;162646
Why did the chicken cross the road?

According to FIFA it didn't!

LOL that´s a good one


A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR


The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle…

The war-weary Marine asked, ‘Ma’am, may I have that seat?'

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular ‘Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.’

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. ‘Please, ma’am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.

She snorted, ‘Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!’

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, ‘Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!’

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitc* out of the window.